Profiles of Pregnancy

Okay, so Cale and I are taking a 2 day crash course in childbirth and our teacher gave us this handout to look over and think about. Since I like to journal, I have decided to answer them in an entry. Here goes.

1. When I first found out I was pregnant, I felt:
Like it was a dream. I knew I was pregnant before I took the test and I think I was in a little bit of denial. I have always wanted to have children and now that I was married to Cale, it all made perfect sense and had perfect timing, even though we did not "plan" the pregnancy, we did not prevent it, so the idea that we actually were going to have a baby was surreal. It was this overwhelming feeling of wow, what happens next, followed with about a ton of new worries and hopes.

2. Now I feel:
Crowded! I am very excited/anxious and very scared, but also grateful. This has been one hell of a roller-coaster and you know how when you are on a roller coaster you are scared and you want it to end so you can just get off, put your feet on solid ground and sigh, knowing that you made it out alive and now you can tell everyone that you rode that roller coaster? That is kinda how it feels. Being pregnant has been scary, exciting, nauseating, full of emotion, I could go on and on. But like a roller coaster, it too ends and with the biggest and scariest climax of the entire ride, labor and delivery. But once I get past that, look at what I will have gained. I will have a beautiful little life. That too is scary to me now though. I am a worrier so, even being this close to meeting my little girl, I still worry that something could happen. So although I am so excited, I am also worried.

3. When I feel the baby move, I feel:
Like a bounce house! I LOVE feeling her move and I love to let others feel her move. From the time I could feel her move, I felt a constant presence. I felt her presence before, but now she really lets me know that she is there! Also, before when I could not feel her movement very much and I would get worried, all I had to do was get Cale to come talk to her and he usually sings You are my Sunshine, and just like that she would move, as if to say, "Hi daddy". It melts my heart. I am constantly wondering what body part is trying to escape from my side! I can't wait to meet this little wiggle worm. At night, usually around 11, is when she is the most active, we call it happy hour. She is usually moving so much when I am trying to go to sleep that she keeps me up for about an hour. I like to lay against Cale's back so she can kick him too!

4. I my dreams, the baby has been:
Born with a head full of hair and born on Sept. 23rd. I hope she has a head full of hair like her daddy and not bald like me and I hope she is born close to her due date of the 15th rather than the 23rd! I have had lots of bad dreams, but I try not to remember those. I dream of holding her and smelling her.
, the birth has been:
I don't think that I have dreamt about the birth. I think unto this point it has been out of site out of mind. I think about it alot throughout the day, I worry about it alot, but truthfully I know God created me to have this baby and I know that Cale and Sam and Nikki and Misty are the absolute best people in my life to help me get through it, so I know it will be okay and I will be so much better for it.
, other vivid dreams:
As I said, I have had a lot of bad dreams. I have also had a lot of very strange dreams that are too random to recount. I have dreamt about animals and the coolest and most memorable dream was of my late Grammer, I swear that I heard her voice.

5. I sometimes worry about the baby's health or perfection:
Well, I always worry. This has been an especially large hurdle after having to see and endure the pain of 2 of my closest friends having miscarriages. This is something that no woman should have to experience while at the same time it is so common. So it is very frightening to have it hit so close to you. It has really made me realize just how fragile this little life that I am carrying is and how much of a miracle that she truly is. I am still worried about her health and getting here safely. In my eyes, she is perfect, so I am not worried about the perfection part!

6. The thing I like the best about being pregnant is:
The connection that I feel with this tiny little person. No one else can feel her and experience her the way I have, and that is priceless.

7. The thing I like the least about being pregnant is:
The nausea that I had in the beginning, HANDS DOWN!

8. Right now I think my body is:
Crowded! I really have been very lucky. I feel like my body had handled pregnancy very gracefully. I don't feel big anywhere but my belly and there is a whole baby in there! I think my body is beautiful for the most part and when I don't, Cale reassures me that it is. I am ready to wear normal jeans again though! It is amazing that our bodies can transform this way!

9. In childbirth, I feel that most women worry about:
The safety of their baby, and loosing control.

10. The worst thing that I could do during labor/birth would be to:
I am trying not to let myself be restricted. Hopefully whatever happens will be because that is what I need to do to progress and get through it. I know that I will be in the presence of the people in my life that are the closest to me, so I know that with them I can be myself, whatever myself is at any given time during labor/birth and know that they will support me.

11. The biggest question/uncertainty I have about being a mother is:
Will I always be able to be there for her when she needs me?

12. The main way I would like to be different from my parents is:
There are alot of ways I would like to be different from my parents, the main one being that Cale and I will always work together to do what is best for our family.

13. The thing I like the most about my partner is:
How unconditional and sincere his love for me is. Cale is the most loving and caring person that I have ever known and I know that he would do anything for me and for his little girl. We are truly blessed and I am hopelessly in love with him and the life we share. And he wants me to be able to stay at home and raise our children.

14. The thing I like the least about my partner is:
That he is so busy with trying to graduate (which he is doing AWESOME in school!), and working to help support his family.

15. This pregnancy has affected our relationship as a couple:
This is hard to even describe. We have become closer, more bonded and are experiencing a deeper level of the love that was already present in our relationship.