We did it!

Hello all! Today, my little flower baby is 8 days old! Wow, what an amazing ride this has all been. It is truly hard to put into words. As I sit here on the couch, the same couch that a little over a week ago, I layed on most of the day wondering when I would meet my little girl. I still cannot believe that this little miracle was in my tummy and now she lays next to me looking around and making the most content and angelic sounds. God is truly amazing.

"It's hard work, it hurts, and you can do it!"

This is was a quote from Birthing from Within that stuck out in my head. Everyone has asked me "How was your labor and birth?", and all I can say is, it was hard work, it hurt, and I did it! Having a home birth assisted by an amazing midwife, my amazing husband and two very strong and supportive women, was the best situation for us. I would not change anything about Zinnia's birth. I truly feel like after going through that experience that I can do anything, that Cale and I can do anything together and that I am a stronger woman and mother because I brought her into this world, my body, my spirit, I did it. I will not sugar coat anything, natural labor and birth hurts, but it is such a productive pain. With every little bit of labor your body brings you closer to meeting your baby. That is how I got through it. Being in the water was wonderful, I cannot imagine giving birth outside of the water after having labored both in and out of the water.

I started early labor late Tuesday night and all day Wednesday. I put off calling Nikki and Misty because in the case that it was a false alarm, I did not want them rushing around to make it here. Well, as the day progressed I continued to have mild contractions and Nikki and Misty decided to go ahead and come to San Marcos. Sam, our midwife checked me that afternoon and I was almost at a 4. Wow! I knew my body was doing something! Misty and Cale and I decided to do some last minute shopping and go out to eat. Nikki arrived after dinner and we just hung out around the house. My contractions were a little stronger but nothing that prevented normal activity. I just sat on my exercise ball which seemed to help. Cale and I decided to try to get some sleep not knowing when our how everything would be taking place.

I woke up close to 5am because I could not sleep through the contractions anymore. We called Sam at about 5:30am and she came over around 8:30. My house was cheerful and filled with excitement. Sam brought over everything to make this organic ti soup which smelled amazing. My stero was playing Sufjan Stevens and the birthing tub was filled with warm water. I handled the contractions for a long time by sitting on the exercise ball and leaning over onto a chair. I would rock back and forth to the music in the background. I went in and out of the pool a few times until finally I wanted no more music and could not make it through a contraction on the ball. I got back in the water and things started to move very fast. Sam never told me how far along I was, but I knew I was close when she started setting up all of her stuff. Most of the last part of my labor is a blur. I remember Cale holding onto me with each contraction. Cale was so calm and supportive and loving, he was so great through everything. Sam and Nikki helped with massage and supportive words here and there. Misty took pictures of the entire experience which is an amazing description of all that took place. Sam told Cale he should get into his swimsuit which let me know that we were close. Before I knew it I was pushing and soon after that, 19 minutes after that, we finally got to meet our preciouse little girl.

Zinnia Peal Bessent was born on Thursday, September 18, 2008 at 11:25 am in the water. Cale was sitting behind me helping me and was able to reach down and lift her out of the water and onto my chest. She weighed 6lbs 7oz and was 18 and 1/2 inches long. She had a head full of dark hair, which was the one thing I hoped she would have.

This week has been like a dream. From the beginning of my labor to now, it takes my breath away. I am a mom, I have a daughter, Cale is not only my amazing husband, but is also a daddy and because of everthing that we have been through from the beginning of my pregnancy, through the labor and birth of our child, and now as parents one week into the arrival of our daughter, I am just in awe of the blessings present in our life.

I will be writing more posts and adding pictures as I have time. I hope to put up a link so that all of our photos can be viewed. Thanks to everyone for all of the warm wishes. We feel so much love.

Keep on keeping on!

Okay, so our due date has come and gone and here we are! I am still feeling really good for the most part. I am super excited that Nikki is coming down in the next couple of days. Since she is at least 8 hours away in OK City, she wants to be sure that she does not miss the big event, whenever it may happen.

So, as suggested by our childbirth instructor, I am going to be planning something fun for each day I go past my due date. My little brother, who turns 20 years old today, (Happy Birthday Brent!) bought me a pregnancy massage!! Woo-Hoo! I am SO excited! So, if little Z decides to wait a few more days, then that means spa day for me and aunt Nikki!

Ever since becoming pregnant, I knew I wanted to have well kept toes, and for the most part I have lived up to this. Ladies, when you are pregnant get pedicures, your feet really deserve it! I think I have at least one more pedicure in me before this baby comes!

Okay, so I am rambling a little bit. Cale and I went for a pretty good walk yesterday from our apt. over to campus. I have just been laying around the house, so it was a really good excuse for me to get dressed and get out of the house. We took the dogs and Cale grabbed our awesome new camera and shot some photos. I was adamant about him taking the famous "I don't look pregnant from behind photo, until I saw it. Hello, I DO look pregnant from behind, what is up with that? To which Cale reassured me that I am carrying 30 extra pounds and that I am indeed "pregnant". Thanks baby. Well, that is about it. I will keep everyone posted on our progress. Sam, our fabulous midwife is coming over tomorrow to see how we are doing. You guys should check out her website, she is awesome and we love her...

http://www.wholisticmidwifery.com/

Oh, I almost totally forgot. Lola is so funny this week. She is definitely my dog. She has been my shadow. Really, she will not leave my side. If I get up, she gets up, if I go to the bathroom (which I am doing ALOT) she will come wait by the door. She has been in such close proximity to me that most of the time part of her is touching part of me. It is really sweet. She is taking her job very seriously these days.

That is all for now, I hope you all enjoy the pictures!

A hurricane is coming!

So, I am thinking that this little lady could make her debut just about anytime. Don't get your hopes up in case I am super off in my prediction, but I just have this feeling. And I am not alone in that feeling, several of my closest girls have had the same intuition today. Also, my adorable husband was born in the middle of a crazy rain storm, so she may follow in her daddy's footsteps. I will keep you all posted. My house is pretty organized, I feel good today, and I absolutely love crazy weather. So here's to hoping we meet our little flower baby soon.

Profiles of Pregnancy

Okay, so Cale and I are taking a 2 day crash course in childbirth and our teacher gave us this handout to look over and think about. Since I like to journal, I have decided to answer them in an entry. Here goes.

1. When I first found out I was pregnant, I felt:
Like it was a dream. I knew I was pregnant before I took the test and I think I was in a little bit of denial. I have always wanted to have children and now that I was married to Cale, it all made perfect sense and had perfect timing, even though we did not "plan" the pregnancy, we did not prevent it, so the idea that we actually were going to have a baby was surreal. It was this overwhelming feeling of wow, what happens next, followed with about a ton of new worries and hopes.

2. Now I feel:
Crowded! I am very excited/anxious and very scared, but also grateful. This has been one hell of a roller-coaster and you know how when you are on a roller coaster you are scared and you want it to end so you can just get off, put your feet on solid ground and sigh, knowing that you made it out alive and now you can tell everyone that you rode that roller coaster? That is kinda how it feels. Being pregnant has been scary, exciting, nauseating, full of emotion, I could go on and on. But like a roller coaster, it too ends and with the biggest and scariest climax of the entire ride, labor and delivery. But once I get past that, look at what I will have gained. I will have a beautiful little life. That too is scary to me now though. I am a worrier so, even being this close to meeting my little girl, I still worry that something could happen. So although I am so excited, I am also worried.

3. When I feel the baby move, I feel:
Like a bounce house! I LOVE feeling her move and I love to let others feel her move. From the time I could feel her move, I felt a constant presence. I felt her presence before, but now she really lets me know that she is there! Also, before when I could not feel her movement very much and I would get worried, all I had to do was get Cale to come talk to her and he usually sings You are my Sunshine, and just like that she would move, as if to say, "Hi daddy". It melts my heart. I am constantly wondering what body part is trying to escape from my side! I can't wait to meet this little wiggle worm. At night, usually around 11, is when she is the most active, we call it happy hour. She is usually moving so much when I am trying to go to sleep that she keeps me up for about an hour. I like to lay against Cale's back so she can kick him too!

4. I my dreams, the baby has been:
Born with a head full of hair and born on Sept. 23rd. I hope she has a head full of hair like her daddy and not bald like me and I hope she is born close to her due date of the 15th rather than the 23rd! I have had lots of bad dreams, but I try not to remember those. I dream of holding her and smelling her.
, the birth has been:
I don't think that I have dreamt about the birth. I think unto this point it has been out of site out of mind. I think about it alot throughout the day, I worry about it alot, but truthfully I know God created me to have this baby and I know that Cale and Sam and Nikki and Misty are the absolute best people in my life to help me get through it, so I know it will be okay and I will be so much better for it.
, other vivid dreams:
As I said, I have had a lot of bad dreams. I have also had a lot of very strange dreams that are too random to recount. I have dreamt about animals and the coolest and most memorable dream was of my late Grammer, I swear that I heard her voice.

5. I sometimes worry about the baby's health or perfection:
Well, I always worry. This has been an especially large hurdle after having to see and endure the pain of 2 of my closest friends having miscarriages. This is something that no woman should have to experience while at the same time it is so common. So it is very frightening to have it hit so close to you. It has really made me realize just how fragile this little life that I am carrying is and how much of a miracle that she truly is. I am still worried about her health and getting here safely. In my eyes, she is perfect, so I am not worried about the perfection part!

6. The thing I like the best about being pregnant is:
The connection that I feel with this tiny little person. No one else can feel her and experience her the way I have, and that is priceless.

7. The thing I like the least about being pregnant is:
The nausea that I had in the beginning, HANDS DOWN!

8. Right now I think my body is:
Crowded! I really have been very lucky. I feel like my body had handled pregnancy very gracefully. I don't feel big anywhere but my belly and there is a whole baby in there! I think my body is beautiful for the most part and when I don't, Cale reassures me that it is. I am ready to wear normal jeans again though! It is amazing that our bodies can transform this way!

9. In childbirth, I feel that most women worry about:
The safety of their baby, and loosing control.

10. The worst thing that I could do during labor/birth would be to:
I am trying not to let myself be restricted. Hopefully whatever happens will be because that is what I need to do to progress and get through it. I know that I will be in the presence of the people in my life that are the closest to me, so I know that with them I can be myself, whatever myself is at any given time during labor/birth and know that they will support me.

11. The biggest question/uncertainty I have about being a mother is:
Will I always be able to be there for her when she needs me?

12. The main way I would like to be different from my parents is:
There are alot of ways I would like to be different from my parents, the main one being that Cale and I will always work together to do what is best for our family.

13. The thing I like the most about my partner is:
How unconditional and sincere his love for me is. Cale is the most loving and caring person that I have ever known and I know that he would do anything for me and for his little girl. We are truly blessed and I am hopelessly in love with him and the life we share. And he wants me to be able to stay at home and raise our children.

14. The thing I like the least about my partner is:
That he is so busy with trying to graduate (which he is doing AWESOME in school!), and working to help support his family.

15. This pregnancy has affected our relationship as a couple:
This is hard to even describe. We have become closer, more bonded and are experiencing a deeper level of the love that was already present in our relationship.

Zinnia is almost done!

I am 38 weeks this week. My official due date is Sept. 15th. This entire pregnancy up until last night, I had convinced myself that she would come late. When I told Sam, our midwife that I was feeling more and more like she would arrive on time, she all but agreed with me! There has been alot of change in how I feel both physically and emotionally in the past week. Last week I was loving being pregnant and this week I am feeling very uncomfortable most of the time.

I am super excited that I could go into labor at any time, but I still have a lot to get done. I am 1 centimeter dilated and feeling a lot of cramping which is good, that means my body is working! I am going to post some pictures of our room because we finally got the crib all put together with a mattress and bedding! (She is going to be sleeping in my bed, but the crib is super cute, thank you Molly!)

I am excited to get to experience this whole home birth/natural labor thing with my amazing hubby and my two closest friends, Nikki and Misty. This will definitely bring us all a little closer. I know that they are just as anxious and excited as I am. Oh, and I am going to have a birthing pool, that is the coolest part! This little flower baby may be born in the water, how cool is that?

Gotta go, there is a mini birthday cake and a tall glass of milk with my name it!!

Oh the emotion...

So for the past few days I have been on one heck of an emotional roller-coaster. I find myself crying very randomly and needing a lot of reassurance from my wonderful and supportive husband. I know that my hormones are totally outta whack right now, and knowing that makes me feel a little less crazy.

On the upside, I have felt an extreme closeness to Cale. Anyone who is around us knows how close we are, but the past few days I have felt an immense closeness and connection to him, which is a drastic change from a few weeks ago.

I was very easily annoyed a few weeks ago by his usual sweetness toward me. One example was when he would kiss my neck and my shoulders and finally I just had to tell him that I felt like a tree being pecked by a woodpecker!! Luckily he laughed and I laughed but I was completely serious!

Now I feel like I cannot get enough time with him or close enough to him, I told Nikki, that it felt as if I was on some kind of drug. It really feels like it did when we were first dating, the butterflies and constant hand holding. To this Nikki informed me that it is a drug! The oxitocin that is present in my body right now causing contractions is not only preparing me physically for labor but is also emotionally preparing me for the presence of new baby in our lives. Apparently this is God's way bringing us close together so that as things get a little more crazy around here that we will have this extreme closeness to get us through it. I can't wait to have her here and Cale is just as eager. I am so thankful that we are bringing this little baby girl into a home that is so filled with love. After all, it is a result of our love that she has come to us in the first place!

From Myspace to Blogging, I think I just grew up!!

So, this weekend Misty suggested that I start a blog. I am going to try it out and see what everyone thinks. Myspace does seem a little immature, but I am used to using it. Hopefully this will run smoothly and will be convenient for everyone to keep up with us and our new adventure into parenthood. Things are about to get a little crazy, but hopefully this will help us all keep in touch. Let me know if anyone has a better idea.

love, love, love,

Kim